Rather Often, Actually

I’m a mom of 3. Things get hectic. I explore ways to maintain my identity, discover new things I enjoy, and to avoid burning out completely.

The phrase I hear the most often when someone wants me to do something: When was the last time you did something for yourself, mom? 

1. I’m not your mom.
2. That statement is actually more likely to provoke mom guilt if I do it because you’re kind of labeling it selfish.
3. I’m not going to tell you all the awesome things I opted to do for me.

Each year, I do something that is especially “me” centered. I train for races and travel for at least one with my girlfriends. I trained for a marathon twice, for goodness sakes. Last year, I had LASIK done. It took me less than a year to pay it off and I am pleased with the results. This year, I’m finally starting to have my teeth fixed. It might not seem like anything, but they’re expensive. I’ve avoided doing anything about them for the fear that I’ll use money that we’ll need for something more important as a family. I finally have a full set of bottom teeth! I couldn’t resist taking a selfie as soon as I left the dentist today.

Before and after

I do stuff for myself all of the time. I sometimes forget to take the time out to do it. I can’t afford to invest my time and/or money in every whim I get to try something. I spread myself a little thin with time anyway, so fitting that “me” stuff in can be challenging. AND….rewarding.

There shouldn’t be guilt attached to spending time investing in yourself. There’s also no limit to how much is acceptable. I spend time on my fitness most days of the week. That doesn’t mean I can’t do something other than that for me in addition to working out.

Thanks for reading!

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Choosing Joy (Trying to)

I’ve started to write a post and deleted it a few times. I’ve been thinking things that I connect with negative emotions and didn’t want to spout negativity.

I often feel spread too thin. Instead of feeling satisfaction from the things I do, I get the feeling that I’m not doing enough. It isn’t entirely in my head. There is societal pressure to put more and more on my plate. The Scouts need people. I’m a people. I want to help. School needs people. I’ve got that, too. I want to be active in my community. I find those opportunities and fit them in. At church, I attend and volunteer in two different positions and they insist that I join a small group. The pastor has spoken about not being obsessed with being busy. I’m not sure I understand how people can’t be constantly busy by contributing where they’re involved. Then, I’ve been trying to find part time work and to switch my body fat percentage with my muscle mass. I also have opinions about the way that my multi level marketing job works, but I’m going to stick that one in my pocket for some other time. I enjoy doing things, but the sense that it isn’t enough is what impacts how I feel about myself for doing them.

I realize everyone has challenges and their own form of busy. I get it. If someone is having a hard time, I’m not getting out my yardstick to measure how hard their hard is compared to mine or anyone else. I believe them. Tell me you’re tired and I believe it. I’m not going to compare how tired I am. I hope you find rest. I don’t need to win.

So there’s choosing joy. I am blessed to have kids that need things from me. I am able to work out and able to run. I’m blessed to not have the problems I’ve had in past years that kept me from being as active and involved as I’d wanted to be. I am more at peace with my life now that I’ve invested time in my faith in God and my Christianity.

I found people who wanted to run with me if I’d just ask. When I’m working out, I stay on top of the positive. Being outwardly positive draws it inside. I’ve made progress in fitness. I’d gained a few pounds only to find out I’d decreased my fat mass and increased muscle. I can do weighted sit ups and I can pull my body up while holding on to rings. These things were not something I could do before the fat shred I did in March. Considering it hasn’t been very long and I’ve made that much progress, I’m feeling optimistic about the future with my health and fitness.

I recently discovered my dad has non hodgkins lymphoma, so prayers are appreciated. I don’t know a lot since the diagnosis was very recent and will require a lot of tests prior to treatment.

I want to keep my eyes on the positive. I trust God with my paths.

Now my kids are acting crazy and literally screaming, so I have to get to them. They’ve hit their limit of unsupervised time, I suppose. Thanks for reading! I try to be here weekly. Comments and suggestions are always read and appreciated. Thanks!

 

 

Developing New Phobias

I have felt increasingly crappy over the past week and my husband was on a business trip, so there was little to no reprieve. I felt the worst on days after I’d spent time outdoors. One day was a field trip to the local zoo with my daughter’s class. The next morning when it was time to run, I opted to do it indoors. I hopped on the rower at the gym for a warm up and did a few box jumps and burpees. On the treadmill, I ran a half hour hill program. I didn’t die of boredom. My headphones died mid run and my focal point was a crack in the wall.

Zoo trip!

 

I was on a cleanse this week because the results of my weigh in. It helped curb my cravings for junk. What it didn’t stop was my obsession with food choices and whether I’m choosing correctly and how I can fit my “sometimes foods” into my all of the time eating plan so I don’t fall into binge eating again. It helps that the author of the Binge Code, Ali Kerr, sends me emails with encouragement and reminds me that it could take a long time to get on the right path from disordered eating. The most recent email addressed clean eating and seemed so timely and appropriate for me that it helped me through.

I have been fortunate to spend the weekend resting and getting better from whatever made me feel sneezy, sniffly, exhausted, and all of the fun allergy sensations. I don’t know that the allergies made me tired as much as needing extra antihistamine and decongestants. Resting meant that I missed my “long run” this weekend. I’d planned 4 miles and not only am I anxious over my eating habits, I’m afraid to get behind on my fitness. I lost so much endurance over the winter. I was gaining speed until I had to take off for awhile when I was sick. I’ve developed a phobia of backsliding in nutrition and fitness. Some may think that is a good problem to have, but the anxiety alone makes my headspace a strange place to be.

Nap Partner

I’m going to figure out how to deal with it, of course. I want to enjoy training this summer for the half in October. I don’t feel like I have friends to run with now that I’ve slowed down and I’m having trouble getting my speed back. It isn’t that I mind running alone, but sometimes the accountability comes with meeting up with people to do the run. I also miss the people I used to run with and feel a sense of missing out on the people I really enjoyed so much time with in the past.

I weigh every two weeks, so the end of this week will be my day to see progress in what I hope is the right direction. My clothes fit differently. My tee shirts are a little loose and my pants pull up more easily. I think that says a lot about progress. I intend to find balance with my eating where I’m not thinking about peanut butter cups or chocolate ice cream when I’m getting ready to go to bed at night. The plan doesn’t involve completely wiping those things out of my eating. They’re “sometimes foods” and I intend to incorporate them to avoid binges.

Do you have fitness friends? Do you prefer to work out alone? Do seasonal allergies take you down? I hope you try to find your balance. I’m hoping I find mine.

I’m also praying. I have anxiety and worries, but I invite God’s help. I think it has brought me peace, but also joy. I have joy in spite of these minor things that worry me. I have faith that I’m going to get better.