Torn between wanting to write and not wanting to be boring

I’m in a strange mood. I’ve been talking more than usual to people and having conversations. That means I’m also spending more time re-playing those conversations in my head and cringing at how strange I must seem. I think of how I could totally correct what I said the next time I see that person, but there’s no natural way to bring that up in conversation. Try explaining to people that you went silent not because of what they said, but because you were trying to choose your own words carefully and not finding them.

My meds haven’t changed. My weight hasn’t even changed. I’m just holding steady, so maybe this is just who I am. So weird.

I took off of running for a little over a week after my birthday. I was pretty fast on my first run back. My little pitbull, Aurora accompanied me. Fortunately there weren’t many squirrels along the way despite the weather being warm that day.

Aurora post run

I’ve been really enjoying my workouts at the gym. I’ve had new personal bests left and right. I got a new deadlift max. I figured out how to kick up to the wall for a handstand. I completed the most box jumps I’ve ever done at a taller height than I’ve been using. My box jumps have been onto plates stacked on top of one another. I finally added a plate and left it there instead of pushing it off after I got tired or scared.

I often feel inadequate at the things in which I apply myself. Having my weight at a plateau is frustrating. Feeling overwhelmed by my day makes me worry that I’m not a good wife and mother. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I want to be good at things and for everyone to see me as the person I’m trying to be. I’m just not sure why I care what other people think because most of the time, I don’t care.

I’m just not quite myself lately, but at least my depression is no longer trying to swallow me whole. I think I’m going to blame it on premenstrual brain, which seems to be way more sensitive than any other time of the month. Yes, I’m serious.

Thanks for reading! Hope this was helpful in some way. If not, sorry. I’ll be back with more fun soon. Half marathon training starts in February.

 

 

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2020 is here. So are we. Yay

It is January 2, 2020. I wasn’t exactly looking to rid myself of the old year. 2019 was one of the better years of my recent history. It wasn’t spectacular, but I was blessed. I’m certain that recommitting to Christianity has much to do with it.

There were no major conflicts in my family. My oldest daughter matured quite a bit over the last few months and even has her own living space and job. I found a part time job at my kids’ school. I continued running and started doing Crossfit. I’ve lost a bunch of fat and gained muscle and confidence. I’ve also made new friends along the way. Not bad.

This year, I did things that I didn’t imagine I’d do. Lifting was not something I thought I’d do. I finished off the year getting personal bests on my back squat and dead lift by 20 pounds each. I completed the running streak from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day. I ran at least one mile [or more] every day each of those days even when I didn’t want to or had to adjust something in my schedule to make it work. I’m continuing the streak until my birthday on Sunday. This will make 39 runs in a row on my 39th birthday. Kinda neat, right? I ran an international half marathon, visiting Detroit and Canada for the first time in my life.

On deck for 2020? So far, I’m running the Christie Clinic Illinois half marathon in April. I have a friend pushing me to “tri” by doing my first triathlon. I want to run the Mo Cowbell on October 4th and try to get a new personal best time there. I’m hoping to go on a big vacation with my husband, but that’s not planned yet. Other than that, I just want to keep on track with my nutrition and fitness so I can have a healthy amount of body fat and perform at my best.

Did you celebrate the exit of 2019 because it was a bad year? What are your plans for this year? Thanks for reading! I will begin half marathon training again soon, so I’m sure the weather will create some interesting stories.

Lots of running every day. Just a peek.