I feel “tenacious” is a good term here.

Tenacious means not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action; determined. I’m going to use that term instead of “obsessed.” I am determined to get back to running, to get on the right track with my nutrition, and to get better at my workouts. I find one of my most positive traits is my tenacity/persistence.

I have been stretching every day to help with plantar fasciitis that I actually suffered in both feet, but was more severe on the left side when it partially ruptured. I’ve been doing exercises to increase the strength I need in my legs to help prevent a repeat of the injury or a new one on the other side. I’ve been more consistent because I am consumed by the urge to run again. The thought of not going back to running has crossed my mind. I’m not fond of that option. I’m aware that I probably won’t be back to long distance for some time and I might be done indefinitely with 2 half marathons a year.

I’m tracking my food on a free version of My Fitness Pal and participating in a free challenge with my gym called the Lazy Macro Challenge. I’m eating healthy, but having a rough time avoiding snacks that are high in sugar and useless calories [hello peanut butter and chocolate]. I had my body composition measured today and the results weren’t great, but I had a good chat about it and I feel confident I’ll get where I need to be once I get myself on track. I’d probably have an easier time if I could run, though. Not because I want to outrun the snacks. I don’t crave as much junk when I run regularly. How do I solve that? I’m adding other cardio back to the mix on the days I used to have running. That way, it won’t be as hard when I finally go back.

I’m starting to become convinced I’ll never really be good at Crossfit, but I’m determined to get a few things right. Besides, I am getting stronger. My legs gained muscle since my last body composition measurement and I was pleased. I also used heavier dumbbells for bench pressing this week than I have in the past. I’m still tormented by attempting my first pull up. I think I’m even more obsessed with that goal because I can’t yet work on trying to box jump or string together a bunch of jump rope double unders. I’m having to keep my feet planted for olympic barbell movements and it adds a level of complexity. I often feel out of place and wonder why I’m applying so much of myself to something I know is basically sisyphean. I can’t quit, though. I don’t know how I would.

I have meant that literally sometimes. I finished a half marathon once where I was miserable, but didn’t know how to quit. My finish time wasn’t actually bad. The conditions were despairing. I was dressed too warm, the wind seemed to be head wind no matter which direction I turned, and I went out too fast and lost my power halfway through the race which had a hilly second half. I carry”I don’t know how to quit,” with me almost as a mantra. I might feel discouraged sometimes. I wondered why I didn’t just give up because it seemed like just when I’ve dusted off from a fall, another obstacle appeared and there was no end in sight. I still carry on. It isn’t really that I don’t know how to quit, though. I don’t WANT to give up. My faith, my God will carry me through if I need Him. I also want to be strong and I know that it’s built through discomfort. Those moments when I don’t see a way and I push through have been the ones I remember. Those have been the moments that helped build my strength.

I’m impressed with my body, though. I have grown 3 babies in my belly. I ran a marathon, 9 official half marathons, countless 5k races, and mentored people running 5k all the way up to half marathons. I can deadlift more than I’ve ever weighed in my life and I can jerk 100 pounds over my head. I’m trying to take care of a magnificent machine here and I need to stop and appreciate how badass I am sometimes. Especially when I’m picking on the things I can’t do. Yet.

Thanks for reading! I hope you’re brewing some goals or in the midst of conquering something. I also hope you give yourself grace and stop to think of how much you CAN do.

20 workouts in March! Gotta stay on track.

All healed. Now what?

My doctor said my plantar fascia tear has fully healed. He released me from his care and advised me to obtain a home program from my physical therapist. I wrapped up doing strengthening exercises, stretching and getting electrical stimulation (e-stim) to my foot 3 days a week and got my home exercise plan. I left with an appointment in 3 weeks to check in on my mobility and pain. When I started, my left foot was weaker when I resisted inversion (pushing my feet out like a duck against pressure on the outsides) and my left ankle couldn’t flex as far as my right by 3cm. I’ve been terribly inconsistent with doing my exercises more than once a day and for the amount of time I need to. I’m impatiently awaiting the day I can run and jump again.

Neither doctor explained exactly how to go about increasing my activity to get back to normal. The exercises don’t change in time or frequency as I get stronger. I have a timeline of when to try things out, but I’m not sure how to get back running. I’ve been looking at articles and recommendations for people returning from injury and the consensus is that I’m not ready to try to run yet. It’s unlikely I will be ready for another couple of weeks. Mentally, I’m ready NOW. The time alone, listening to music, and clearing my head was important to me and to my mental wellbeing.

I still haven’t lost the weight I’d put on from being inconsistent with my eating habits. It’s because I’m better about planning my meals, but still not controlling my snacks. I’m not to the point that clothing fits poorly, but I’m frustrated with myself for hindering my own progress and even taking a few backward steps. I’m having trouble overriding my own “just this one time,” thoughts to justify the behavior.

I have been consistently working out. Last week, I was concerned that a local uptick in covid-19 cases would interrupt that as well. Fortunately, it didn’t. I was able to get a new PR on my push press one day. I took the weekend off from working out and got some much needed rest.

Last week, I went back to working 4 days a week instead of just two days. The number of kids also doubled. It was exhausting, but overall fun to see everyone interact. I am getting in well over 10k steps on the days I work, so my feet are at least getting used to a lot of walking, which I hope prepares me for running.

I have a positive outlook on the situation. I’m going to run soon. I’ll probably be able to do at least one of the “Murph” miles running on Memorial Day. Those who have done it know I mean the first mile and not that last one at the end.

Here’s a totally natural photo that’s definitely not professionally taken (By Annie LeNeve Photography)