So many things and so little energy

I have a lot to say and a lack of energy to write about all of the things I want to say. My depression is not too bad lately, but my anxiety has been high. I’m working on body confidence while trying to eat what I want when I want. I still go to the gym most days unless I’m feeling tired. I listen to my body when it comes to resting.

After the oral surgery I had back in February and the subsequent infection that followed me around for 3 weeks, I still struggled to get back into the swing of things in regular life. My husband has continued to pitch in for my everyday chores and still prepared dinner most nights. My energy has been coming back extremely slowly. I feel like my athletic performance has been sub par and declined recently. I’ve missed running, but the podiatrist cautioned me about going back to it too soon. I did the Crossfit open and I’m convinced that competition negatively impacts how I feel about myself and that I should try to avoid it. I’m already signed up for another dose of Festivus as a team in April. I’m just hoping for fun with my teammates and keeping myself motivated to work out by looking forward to this one. I intend to have a few short runs during spring break so I can do at least one 5k this fall.

I’ve been worried about writing anything. When I’ve had conflict with someone in my household, she used things that I wrote here or on my social media as fuel to pick at my insecurities and tried to hurt me. While I understand that’s more about them than me, it still makes me hesitate to share. One day, I will stop feeling trepidation about telling my stories.

I have been working on following “The Fuck It Diet,” and I’m eating more of what I want when I want. I’m learning to listen to my body. The body acceptance part is coming much more slowly. I see my lower abdomen [my pooch] and I think I should ditch the intuitive eating and go back into dieting. I haven’t touched the scale except with the sweeper that goes under my bed.

Post workout selfie

Thanks for reading! I’d love to know if you enjoy my posts or have any suggestions.