Mental Health and me

TW: Self harm, mental illness

There are people who will claim that diet and exercise will cure pretty much anything. There are people who suffer and try to fix themselves with these things and think there must be something specifically wrong with them when they still suffer. Me. I have at some time been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and major depressive disorder. Most of these are pretty controlled through therapy and medication.

I notice changes in my energy when the sun is out for less hours of the day. I also notice it when I’m under chronic stress. I’ve deliberately lost weight recently and I’m proud of myself. This did not cure me of my brain being a scumbag, though.

I’ve had dark moments repeatedly and seemingly out of nowhere. I think I came here to talk about how nobody would ever really be able to save me from myself if I was really set on it.

Recently, I was feeling down and arrived home to an empty house and I thought about how long it would take me if I left the car running. Nothing specific happened to lead me there. I’d had a good morning and even socialized with people before I headed home from my workout. I just didn’t want to be here anymore.

One time, I posted a meme about toasters to a social media story. I was actually not feeling mentally well that day, either. Someone, in my “friend group”, reported it. Nobody checked in with “Are you ok?”. Even if they had, I’d have written it off as a joke. The app didn’t check in. The app actually told me I’d violated their policies and that my account was going to be demonetized. I wasn’t monetized to begin with, but imagine if I had been. How would that have made me feel?

I just don’t think that people being perpetually outraged is working to help the mental health of people actually suffering. I also don’t like that people oversimplify a cure or remedy to mental illness.

I’m not saying that people should play therapist to the issues of others. That would be bad. I just think more grace should be extended to one another. You don’t have to withstand poor treatment from others when it directly impacts you, but you also don’t have to assume ill intent when it doesn’t.

This one is short. It’s been on my mind. I’m actually in a good place today speaking about mental health. I think I am a little less open about it when I’m not.

Thanks for reading! Next time, we’ll try to cover some of my running experiences and plans.

Here’s a fun photo of a duck family in a creek by my house:


One thought on “Mental Health and me

  1. I love you very much. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Nobody is perfect. I have thoughts of not being here anymore either, but I don’t act on it. Thank God you didn’t either. It would hurt so back if something happened to you. I love you and miss you too!

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